Houston Chronicle Arts Editors Still Missing, Presumed Dead

A Vivaldi Valentine strikes a go-for-Baroque chord

Sir: It is not your fault that the name of the concert you reviewed is titled “A Vivaldi Valentine”. However, that is horrible, for the record. Additionally, I will assume you, as a respectable writer, did not compose the awful, second-grade “Baroque” pun in the title of your piece. Perhaps your editors aren’t dead after all! What a relief.

Iwasn't [sic] too convinced that Antonio Vivaldi related to Valentine's Day when Mercury Baroque announced its program A Vivaldi Valentine.

I, too, am unconvinced. I am, however, now convinced that nobody has read this article. Except for me. Someone surely would have noticed that in the very first sentence you forgot how to put spaces between your first two words. This highly conventional practice (interword separation) is helpful to readers, as it differentiates words on the page.

This important Baroque composer was a priest whose principle assignment was teaching talented girls in an orphanage.

Principle is a noun. Principal can be used as either a noun or an adjective. I am the first person to read this article, ever. I am honored.

The usually loquacious Mercury Baroque artistic director Antoine Plante even seemed ill at ease with the idea in his opening remarks Friday at the Wortham Theater Center.

My comments have now thrown me off of the scent. With what was the usually loquacious artistic director ill-at-ease? Vivaldi Valentine? Rightly so! Or was it the composer-priest teaching talented girls at an orphanage? I totally agree. Priests should only be allowed to teach the less-talented girls.

But the program obviously appealed to audiences: According to the organization's president, this was the second Mercury Baroque concert in a row that has filled the Cullen Theater into the balcony seats.

People in Houston saw that the concert was called “A Vivaldi Valentine” and they were all like, “I am so there!” I kid. I kid, Houstonians. You know I’m for wider dissemination of the arts by any means necessary.

In reality, the nine concertos of A Vivaldi Valentine were agnostic about love.

Stop. Stop right there. I was pretty sure that there’s only one thing one can be agnostic about (um, god). However, it turns out I'm wrong. Apparently its general use in the service of “undogmatic” is accepted. Sigh. Fine, but I don’t like it.

Even so, I am totally asserting right now that Vivaldi’s concertos are not agnostic about…anything. Especially love. Well, maybe god. But not love.

The rest is mostly description. I invite you to read it. One particular adjectival clause stood out, however.

Cellists Barrett Sills, principal, and Valdine Ritchie Mishkin offered an engaging gruffness.

Engaging is my favorite kind of gruffness! How did you know?

Here is a picture of The Red Priest himself that is fun to look at, probably.


Murderface said...

That portrait of Vivaldi is too small.

Those links ("Houstonians," "By Any Means Necessary," are hilarious)

Doesn't intra word spa cing get any love? I remember in elementary school spelling we had a whole genus of words called "open compound words." I have not seen that category before or since. Perhaps it was a publisher's hobbyhorse.

Sator Arepo said...

I think you can cl ick to en large the port rait.

Sator Arepo said...

Fine. Clicking does not in fact enlarge the pic. It merely moves it to a white screen where you are free to look at its tiny ness some more.