The Best Analysis Ever

This happy little article—found on classicstoday.com and written by the Executive Editor, David Hurwitz—is really depressing. Will this never stop? Do I have to write these things up for the rest of my life?

Is suicide an option?

There has been no shortage of juicy classical music news recently, starting with the death of German composer and space cadet Karlheinz Stockhausen.

Seriously, dude. Is suicide an option?

Yeah? Sweet. But how? I guess I could cut myself. (pulls out dull, rusty Swiss Army Knife from back pocket, opens it up, stares at it)

I was planning to use that event as a springboard to comment on the ongoing and welcome demise of the European Post-War avant-garde: its hypocrisy, institutional rigidity, and its hopeless failure to capture the minds and hearts of audiences the world over.

(cuts wrist lengthwise) Ouch!

But we already know that, and it strikes me that the above sentence is about as much as Stockhausen and his crew deserve.

(bleeds) ...

(cuts other wrist)

Happily, an even more inspiring subject presented itself for consideration:

(bleeds some more) ...

(passes out) ...

...

...

...

Sator Arepo: Empiricus? Empiricus!? Wake up!! Empiricus!?? Wake up!!!! Someone! PLEASE call an ambulance!!! Oh God! No!!!!!
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