Twister Master, Beethoven

Of all the ways to describe Beethoven’s music...

...those flirtatious back-and-forth games Beethoven loves to play: major to minor, forte to piano, one key to another.

...that one takes the shortcake. I mean, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that describes Beethoven--and only Beethoven--perfectly. Right? Nailed it. Couldn’t do better. Eat your heart out E.T.A. Hoffmann!

By the way, Mary, ever consider turning this unique and profoundly powerful insight into a dissertation? Maybe one could contrast Beethoven with Mr. One-Key Mozart, or possibly Mr. Mono-Amplitude Haydn, just to show exactly how much of a flirty game player he really was (“Major to minor?” Wow, that’s incredible! Unheard of!). That would be a super-interesting, publishable study. In fact, I could be coaxed into providing grant money for this wonderful thesis, as long as it has a cover with a cartoon of Beethoven playing Twister, in He-Man jammies, with Mozart and Haydn, both wearing Strawberry Shortcake SS Dance Co T-shirts and tidy-whities.
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Castle Grayskull: A Momentary Diversion

I’m no expert on opera, admittedly—some I like (Morton Feldman’s Neither, for instance), but, in general, operatic vibrato tends to send my mind into a semi-schizophrenic state, seriously (oh, the price we pay for color!)—which is why I have rightly abstained from opera meta-criticism. Until today, sort of.

Surfing the newspapers, while eating my breakfast of champions (Coke, Doritos and Goobers), I was drawn to a particular picture that accompanied an article about opera ticket prices.

I thought it would be fun for you Detritus folk to meet the characters of this opera.

He-man, as Hunding.



Creepy Mel Gibson Scots, as Die Walküre



And Clifton Forbis, as the Michael Jackson “Black or White” morphing face, not quite He-man, yet not quite Scot.

Here.

I’d like to think that someone working with the Metropolitan Opera’s costume designers would have caught the humorous resemblance.

Enjoy!