Grand Re-opening!

Thanks for being patient, everyone. Both Sator and I have been on a weeklong hiatus without easy access to the intertubes, hence such stagnant content. But be warned! We’re back. Refreshed and invigorated from our repose, it’s full-steam ahead!

First up, some fun with silly opening premises.

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Cheryl North of the Oakland Tribune treats us to this opening doozy:

Is the music of Mozart really "classical"?

Just what does it mean when the word "classical" precedes the word "music"? The answer can be a bit confusing.

Upon first reading, I was excited by all this. It sounds like something one might find in some scholarly journal. You know, a fine essay probing the etymology and epistemology of the term’s usage.

Bzzzt! Wrong.

In current common usage, "classical music" usually means serious music from the educated Western European tradition appropriate to concert halls, churches and other, more or less formal venues. Folk, rock and pop music would generally appear at the other end of this spectrum.

I’ll bite. Go on.

Or — "classical" more properly means the very specific style of music composed from about 1750 to around 1810. The definitive composers of this era were Franz Josef Haydn, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig van Beethoven during his early years. The period's signature music, as well as much of its architecture, painting and literature, was characterized by an emphasis on well-defined form, clarity and harmonious, balanced proportions. More often than not, classical art forms were beautiful, esthetic and pleasing to both the senses and the soul.

Sure. (skeptically) Your conclusion?

A majority of musicians agree that Mozart's music almost perfectly meshes with all the classical criteria.

Four out of five doctors agree that...

Cheryl, I want the names and addresses of those musicians who did not agree, so I can slap them upside their heads. That is, if you actually polled musicians. And some of them actually disagreed with your definitions. Which would be actually pretty lame. Because you probably didn't need to poll musicians in order to find a majority that agreed. And the rest of your article had nothing to do with the opening premise.
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Our Immortal Beloved

I feel particularly bad, today. On a day when there are all kinds of post-worthy articles to rip, I felt drawn to this guy, again. Not simply because he hates new things—and he hates new things in this, as well. But he has this intangible knack for putting his foot in his mouth on a regular basis. The majority of his comments are often tainted with backhanded compliments and, I’m not sure what to call it so I’ll call it: elder-generation-isms.

Women in high office are becoming such a nonissue that listeners could visit Xian Zhang conducting the Orchestra of St. Luke’s on Sunday afternoon and just listen.

While this almost sounds like a good thing, i.e., women no longer seem out of place in leadership roles, our beloved author makes it sound like he’s just discovered equality. He’s like, “you don’t have to ogle her like a freak show; you, the audience--and take it from me--should just accept this and listen to the music.” Why does he need to state this? What possible reason does he have to draw attention to such an antiquated non-debate?

Being female and Chinese in the classical music business are helpful in getting yourself noticed...

But he just said that women in “high office” are a nonissue. Why, then, would anyone pay particular attention to the fact that she is a woman? Unless, he’s saying that being a Chinese woman is an issue—one that gets you noticed, like women in the workplace did for our author back when Eisenhower was in office. The tone is strangely derisive. Either that or our author has a fever.

... but careers are built [...] on substance.

I think can I agree with that—that being female and Chinese doesn’t ensure success. I just hope, for her sake, Xian Zhang has substance.

Ms. Zhang has it.

Oh good. That was painful. All he said, or needed to say was this: Ms. Zhang has substance. Instead, our Mr. beloved gives us this weird spiel about women, and especially Chinese women, because Xian Zhang is a Chinese woman.

That’s how our immortal beloved begins his article. He also says something weird about German tourists.