A few more entries in our continuing GREAT REVIEW TITLES series

You know, as the title says.

Titles are hard...we get that. But every so often a critic (or editor, as it may be) makes a truly special effort to succinctly capture the magic of the live concert-going experience.

First up, from the Times-Herald Record, the direct approach:

Review: Greater Newburgh Symphony Orchestra in Newburgh

Exactly. I feel like I was there.

...in Newburgh.

Also in Newburgh...

figure culture: Thank you American Idol.

Next, from the Houston Chronicle, we have the ridiculous pun:

Symphony Review: Rite a riot of orchestral color

Har har har. You see, because there was a riot at the original premiere a hundred years ago. Priceless.

Whew!

My sentiments exactly.

No riots broke out at Jones Hall on Friday night as maestro Hans Graf led the Houston Symphony in Stravinsky’s explosive The Rite of Spring — in contrast to the legendary ruckus unleashed at the work’s 1913 premiere in Paris.

Maybe it was more of a quiet riot?

figure cum on feel the noize: Mama weer all crazee now.

Later...

Later dramatic bursts proved quite formidable,...

To what? Napping?

...between the slashing strings, pounding percussion, blaring brass and woodwinds that wailed and keened.

Just once I would like my string blaring, woodwinds pounding, brass slashing and percussion that keened.

Even with no dance element, this rendition of the score made it clear something wild, violent and vital was happening.

Send the women and children to safety!

Well, pagan fertility rites are not for hidebound suburbanites.

This is so true.

And lastly, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution demonstrates how you really explain a metaphor.

ASO plays new music, familiar Beethoven on fire

On fire? The musicians were on fire while playing new music and familiar Beethoven?

For long stretches, the orchestra was playing on fire.

Okay. They were on fire.

Was it something like this?

figure on fire: If only Beethoven had lived to see this.

So, clearly "on fire" is a metaphor. But what exactly was on fire -- they were playing great? Everything was coming together beautifully?

It wasn't a radically different interpretation, in terms of tempos, phrasing and balances, such as the prominence given to inner voices.

Hmmm. Interesting, but I'm still not totally clear. How about an analogy to help explain the metaphor?

But like a racing yacht that accumulates an advantage in a regatta by sailing a hair closer to the wind, Knussen delivered a remarkably intense reading by trimming the orchestral sails just taut enough to drive momentum forward, just loose enough that there was never a hint of anxiety or strain or excessive loudness.

And then the orchestra caught fire...just like most racing yachts.

He had us believing that the slow second movement was about the most unexpectedly interesting work Beethoven even composed -- intelligent, loving and always deeply musical.

But, of course, we knew better.

Two Criticisms and a Bonus Mad Lib

This article is okay enough. However, I am going to try my hand, here, at Empiricus' technique. Which he's already done twice today. I don't care. I was gonna do it anyway.

Pianist Denk makes virtuostic Houston Symphony debut

Pianist Jeremy Denk made an impressive Houston Symphony debut Friday evening at Jones Hall — displaying not only technical virtuosity but a genuinely expressive style

That sounds good!

in his work as soloist for Bach's Piano Concerto No. 1.

What? I’ve never heard of that piece. Because it does not exist. Bach never wrote a piano concerto. In fact, he never wrote anything for the piano. Because there weren’t really pianos. Harpsichords, clavichords, virginals, and other keyboards were common. The early fortepiano was sort of being invented in Bach’s time, but that’s not the same thing. Let’s give the dead guys some respect and call their works by their names.

As the Bach Concerto was flanked by two of the best-loved staples of the concert repertoire, Brahms' Variations on a Theme of Haydn and Sibelius' Symphony No. 2,

Speaking of which, why is the Brahms title italicized but not the Sibelius? Or the Bach (improper) title in the previous paragraph. I wish someone would standardize such things in some kind of Manual of Style.

both given stirring renditions by the orchestra under the masterful direction of guest conductor Peter Oundjian, the program added up to a consistently exciting evening of great music.

Consistently exciting? That sounds boring. Like a Bruckheimer film.

An authoritative conductor whose manner on the podium is often dramatic yet not overly effusive, Oundjian brought confident control to the Sibelius — attentive to the work's most minute detail, yet never losing sight (or sound) of the grandeur of its overall architecture.

Good, finally, some good news. I wonder if he was a thruster or a waver?

But now: Mad Lib time! It’s my first one. I’m kind of nervous.

Arrange the extracted adjectives into their appropriate positions. (I alphabetized them!) Also, I've given the composer and piece, so you don't have to guess. Unless you want to.

emphatic
percolating
powerful
pulsating
skittering
startling
tiptoeing

This was clear from the first statement of the ________ figure in the strings that opens the first movement — and out of which all of that movement's music seems to grow organically. The orchestra sustained the sense of ________ forces ebbing and flowing throughout the movement's development.

And on through the Andante movement, with its deceptively understated beginning, ________ pizzicato lines in the lower strings, and the subtle build to those always ________ chords of ________ punctuation from the brass section.

The Scherzo, with its ________ strings and ________ woodwinds, received a deft treatment — and a lovely one in the movement's pastoral Trio section, its lyricism given full measure by principal oboist Robert Atherholt in the solo part.

Good luck! Click here for the original.