'Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers

How much do I dislike poor hypophora? I dislike poor hypophora with great zeal.

With a premise so heartbreaking and at least one protagonist so difficult to sympathize with, why has "Madame Butterfly" been one of the world's most beloved operas for 100 years?

Well shove me in a stagnant pond and poke me with a pink cattle prod. I mean, the author already has an answer. Such is the nature of hypophora, sure (also known as anthypophora). But often enough, they’re smug, assumptive, idiotic and, well, lazy answers (mostly of the smug and assumptive sort). It’s like the author is just lying in wait, stalking his/her prey, saying, “you don’t know the answer, do you? But I do.” Furthermore, if the answer is too confident, too assured, it can seem like a self-congratulatory wank or a “this is why I’m writing this article and not you” uppercut in the kidney that I plain don’t need. That is to say, its rhetorical function has been locked away in a closet and forced to smoke a carton of cigarettes.

Or not. Sometimes it’s just an innocuous, yet banal, device to waste space, which is equally annoying.

Once you read the answer below, just ask yourself, “Did the author really need to ask this?” “Was any greater purpose served?” “Was it effective?” “Did it lure you in?” And, in this case, “How did you come up with that not really insightful question one might expect from a third grader?”

As is the case with so many Puccini operas, it's the music.

For crying out loud. Go figure: the answer—the unimpeachable I-know-the-answer-which-is-why-I-asked-in-the-first-place-because-I’m-the-expert universal answer (the "desperately needed because the reader is stupid" answer)—why we can tolerate the “depressing” story is...

...because it was set to good music. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

And really, Madame Butterfly is a favorite just because it has good music? That's like saying, "Schindler's List is a great movie, except for the story."
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Between the Lines, Some Useless Information

In Monday’s Living Here (?) section of the Sacramento Bee, I was asked a question of the highest philosophical order, a question of such depth that the great Lando Calrissian (respectable administrator of Cloud City) couldn’t answer it, let alone comprehend.

Can you name any of Mozart's worthy peers?

What's that? Can I name any of Mozart’s worthy peers, you say? Well, yes. Yes, I can. There’s...

Johann Gottlieb Graun (1702–1771)
Johann Ernst Eberlin (1702–1762)
Gioseffo Hectore Fiocco (1703–1741)
Georg Andreas Sorge (1703–1778)
Karl Heinrich Graun (1704–1759)
Jose Antonio Carlos de Seixas (1704–1742)
Frantisek Antonin Ignac Tuma (1704–1774)
Nicholas Chédeville (1705–1782)
Giovanni Gualberto Brunetti (1706–1787)
Giovanni Battista Martini (1706–1784)
Baldassare Galuppi (1706–1785)
Pietro Domenico Paradisi|Paradies (1707–1791)
Michel Corrette (1707–1795)
Georg Czarth (1708–1774)
Pasquale Cafaro (1708–1787)
Egidio Romualdo Duni (1708–1775)
Johann Adolf Scheibe (1708–1776)
Johann Gottlieb Janitsch (1708–1763)
Christoph Schaffrath (1709–1763)
Paolo Salulini (1709–1780)
Charles Avison (1709–1770)
Franz (Frantisek) Benda (1709–1786)
Franz Xaver Richter (1709–1789)
Jean-Noel Hamal (1709–1778)
Domenico Alberti (1710–1746)
Giovanni Battista Pergolesi (1710–1736)
Thomas Augustine Arne (1710–1778)
Joseph Marie Clément Abaco|dall’Abaco (1710–1805)
Wilhelm Friedemann Bach (1710–1784)
Domènec Terradellas (1711–1751)
William Boyce (1711–1779)
Ignaz Holzbauer (1711–1783)
Jean-Joseph Cassanea de Mondonville (1711–1772)
John Hebden (1712–1765)
Sayat Nova (1712–1795)
John Stanley (1712–1786)
Friedrich II der Grosse (the Great) (1712–1786)
Jan Benda (1713–1752)
Johann Ludwig Krebs (1713–1780)
Pedro António Avondano (1714–1782)
Gottfried August Homilius (1714–1785)
Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach (1714–1788)
Christoph Willibald von Gluck (1714–1787)
Nicoló Jommelli (1714–1774)
Jacques Duphly (1715–1789)
Georg Christoph Wagenseil (1715–1777)
James Nares (1715–1783)
Girolamo Abos (1715–1760)
Mathias Georg Monn|Man (1717–1750)
Jan Václav (Johann) Stamitz|Stamic (1717–1757)
Jean-Baptiste Quentin (1718–1750)
Leopold August Abel (1718–1794)
Ferdinand Zellbell (der Jüngere) (1719–1780)
Leopold Mozart (1719–1787)
Domenico Porretti (1720–1783)
Johan Nicolaas Lentz (1720–1782)
Johann Schobert (1720–1767)
Posh Spice (1720-1767)
Wolf Blitzer (1720-1788)
Just Checking to See If (1720-1769)
If You’re Still Reading (1720-1800)
Johann Friedrich Agricola (1720–1774)
Maria Teresa Agnesi Pinottini (1720–1795)
Carlo Antonio Campioni (1720–1788)
Pieter Hellendaal (1721–1799)
Johann Philipp Kirnberger (1721–1783)
Johann Ernst Bach (1722–1777)
Pietro Nardini (1722–1793)
Nardini Is My Favorite Name (1722-1788)
Schobert is My Second Favorite (1722-1777)
Jiři Antonin Benda (1722–1795)
Christian Ernst Graaf|Graf (1723–1804)
Anna Amalia von Preußen (1723–1787)
Karl Friedrich Abel (1723–1787)
Maria Antonia Walpurga|Walpurgis (1724–1780)
Ignaz (Ignace) Vitzthumb (1724–1816)
Giovanni Battista Cirri (1724–1808)
Gioseffo Ferdinando Bertoni (1725–1813)
François-André Philidor (1725–1795)
Johann George Tromlitz (1725–1805)
Charles Burney (1726–1814)
Henri Hardouin (1727–1808)
Johann Wilhelm Hertel (1727–1789)
Claude-Benigne Balbastre (1727–1799)
Armand-Louis Couperin (1727–1789)
Johann Gottlieb Goldberg (1727–1756)
Tommaso Traetta (1727–1779)
Pasquale Anfossi (1727–1797)
Nicoló Piccinni (1728–1800)
Johann Gottfried Müthel (1728–1788)
Franz Xaver Pokorny (1728–1794)
Johann Adam Hiller (1728–1804)
And Now a Wonderfully Musical Name (1728-1791)
Pellegrino Tomeoni (1729–1816)
Florian Leopold Gaßmann (1729–1774)
Anton Cajetan Adlgasser (1729–1777)
Pieter van Maldere (1729–1768)
Pierre-Alexandre Monsigny (1729–1817)
Giuseppe Sarti (1729–1802)
Padre Antonio Soler (1729–1783)
And Now a Not So Musical Name (1729-1789)
Leontzi Honauer (1730–1790)
Antonio Maria Gaspare Sacchini (1730–1786)
Capel Bond (1730–1790)
For All Your Bail Bond Needs (1731-1797)
Gaetano Pugnani (1731–1798)
Frantisek Xaver Dušek (1731–1799)
(Johann) Christian Cannabich (1731–1798)
Johann Christian Kittel (1732–1809)
František (Franz) Xaver Brixi (1732–1771)
Franz Joseph Haydn (1732–1809)
Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach (1732–1795)
Thomas Linley (the elder) (1733–1795)
Anton Filtz|Fils|Filts (1733–1760)
Benjamin Cooke (1734–1793)
Luka Sorkočević (1734–1789)
François-Joseph Gossec (1734–1829)
Franz Ignaz Beck (1734–1809)
Johann Ernst Altenburg (1734–1801)
Giovanni Mane Giornovichi|Ivan Jarnovick (1735–1804)
Johann Gottfried Eckard (1735–1809)
Johann Christian Bach (1735–1782)
Johann Georg Albrechtsberger (1736–1809)
Carl Friedrich Christian Fasch (1736–1800)
Jean-François Tapray (1737–1819)
Josef Myslivecek (1737–1781)
Michael Haydn (1737–1806)
Constantin Reindl (1738–1799)
Leopold Hofmann (1738–1793)
Jan Evangelista Antonin Kozeluh (1738–1814)
Johann Baptist Vanhal (1739–1813)
Friedrich Wilhelm Rust (1739–1796)
Karl Ditters von Dittersdorf (1739–1799)
Giovanni Paisiello (1740–1816)
Henri-Joseph Riegel|Rigel (1741–1799)
André-Ernest-Modeste Grétry (1741–1813)
Johann André (1741–1799)
Johann Gottlieb Naumann (1741–1801)
Vaclav (Wenzel) Pichl (1741–1805)
Jerónimo Francisco Lima (1741–1822)
Anton Zimmermann (1741–1781)
(father) Roman(us) Hoffstetter|Hofstetter (1742–1815)
Luigi Boccherini (1743–1805)
Francesco Petrini (1744–1819)
There’s a Lot of Names (1744-1823)
I Know (1744-1801)
But I Don’t Want You To Miss Any (1744-1818)
Because They All Wrote Good Music (1744-1798)
João Pedro de Almeida Mota (1744–1817)
But Really I Bet Mr. Ortiz’s Question (1744-1210)
Is Only Hypophora (1744-1789)
A Stupid Rhetorical Device (1744-1806)
That Gets Things Moving (1744-1801)
By Asking a Question (1744-1779)
Either Way It’s (1744-1790)
Pretty Lame If You Ask Me (1744-1822)
Marianne Anna Martinez (1744–1812)
Besides What Possible Relevance Could (1745-1830)
This Have In Any Discussion (1745-1811)
Concerning a New Disc Of A (1745-1823)
Lesser Known Composer (1745-1808)
That’s What the Review’s About (1745-1789)
By the Way (1745-1803)
Georg (Jiři) Druschetzky|Druzecky (1745–1819)
Jan Václav Knéžek (1745–1806)
João de Sousa Carvalho (1745–1798)
Johann Baptist Krumpholz (1745–1790)
Carl Stamitz (1745–1801)
Giuseppe Giordani (1745–1798)
Joseph Boulogne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges (1745–1799)
Ivan Evstaf’evich Khandoshkin (1746–1804)
James Hook (1746–1827)
Argh! Shiver Me Timbers and Such (1746-1821)
William Billings (1746–1800)
(Louis) Joseph (Marie) Quesnel (1746–1809)
Johann Wilhelm Hässler (1747–1822)
Johann Abraham Peter Schulz (1747–1800)
Leopold Kozeluh (1747–1818)
Theodor Freiherr von Schacht (1748–1823)
Christian Gottlob Neefe (1748–1798)
Francesco Azopardi (1748–1809)
Jean-Frédéric (Johan-Fredreric) Edelmann (1749–1794)
Domenico Cimarosa (1749–1801)
Antonio Rosetti|Rossetti|Rősler|Rössler|Rosety (1750–1792)
Names Used Under the Witness Protection Program (1750-1820)
Jean-Balthasar Tricklir (1750–1813)
Daniel Gottlob Türk (1750–1813)
Antonio Salieri (1750–1825)
Why Does It Seem Like (1750-1831)
Every Time Salieri Is Mentioned (1750-1811)
It’s Always In Reference To (1750-1795)
That Movie About Mozart? (1750-1808)
Hasn’t Anyone Ever Heard His Music (1750-1749)
It’s Quite Good (1750-1820)
Johann Franz Xaver Sterkel (1750–1817)
Dmitri Stepanovich Bortniansky (1752–1825)
José Maurício (1752–1815)
Muzio Clementi (1752–1832)
Nicola Antonio Zingarelli (1752–1837)
Ludwig August Lebrun (1752–1790)
Justin Heinrich Knecht|Knechtl (1752–1817)
Johann Friedrich Reichardt (1752–1814)
Pedro Étienne Solère (1753–1817)
Nicolas-Marie Dalayrac (1753–1809)
Jean-Baptiste Bréval (1753–1823)
Johann Baptist Schenk (1753–1836)
Michel Yost (1754–1786)
Vicente Martín y Soler (1754–1806)
Franz Anton Hoffmeister (1754–1812)
Mateo Pérez de Albéniz (1755–1831)
Giovanni Battista Viotti (1755–1824)
Federigo Fiorillo (1755–1823)
Antonio Capuzzi (1755–1818)
I Know Him (1755-1812)
He Owns a Pizzeria (1755-1810)
In Queens and Has Been Known (1755-1829)
To Associate With a Certain (1755-1804)
Fast Eddie (1755-1817)
Christian Kalkbrenner (1755–1806)
Johann Christoph Vogel (1756–1788)
Thomas Linley (the younger) (1756–1778)
Joseph Martin Kraus (1756–1792)
Pavel (Paul) Vranický|Wranitzky (1756–1808)
Alessandro Rolla (1757–1841)
Ignaz Josef Pleyel (1757–1831)
António Leal Moreira (1758–1819)
Karl Friedrich Zelter (1758–1832)
François Devienne (1759–1803)
Jacques(-Christian-Michel) Widerkehr (1759–1823)
Franz Vinzenz Krommer|Křamer (1759–1831)
Franz Christoph Neubauer (1760–1795)
Nicolas Rozé (1760–1823)
For A Good Time Call Joshua Kosman (510-555-5555)
Johann Rudolf Zumsteeg (1760–1802)
Jan Ladislav Dušek|Dussek|Dusík (1760–1812)
Jean-François Le Sueur|Lesueur (1760–1837)
Luigi Cherubini (1760–1842)
Evstigney Ipatovich Fomin (1761–1800)
Johann Christian Ludwig Abeille (1761–1838)
Antonín (Anton) Vranický|Wranitzky (1761–1820)
Feliks Janiewicz (1762–1848)
Marcos Antonio Portugal (1762–1830)
Franz Wilhelm Tausch (1762–1817)
Adalbert (Vojtech) Gyrowetz|Jirovec (1763–1850)
Franz Danzi (1763–1826)
Étienne-Nicolas Méhul (1763–1817)
Anton Eberl (1765–1807)
Jan Jakub Ryba (1765–1815)
John Addison (1766–1844)
Samuel Wesley (1766–1837)
Rodolphe Kreutzer (1766–1831)
Seriously Though ((1766-1812)
This Opening Question Begs Another (1766-1820)
How Many Composers Can Edward Name? (1767-1819)
If He Can't Come Up With (1767-1831)
Joseph Haydn You Know (1767-1840)
Off the Top of His Head (1767-1822)
In Like Two Seconds...? (1767-1841)
José Maurício Nunes Garcia (1767–1830)
I Mean I Could Have Named (1767-1855)
A Couple Dozen of These Guys (1767-1841)
But Then Again, I'm Supposed to (1767-1810)
Know More Than the Average Person Right? (1767-1847)
Andreas Jakob Romberg (1767–1821)
Christian Friedrich Gottlieb Schwencke (1767–1822)
Bernhard Heinrich Romberg (1767–1841)
Johann Georg Heinrich Back(h)ofen (1768–1839)
Carolus Antonius (Antoine) Fodor (1768–1846)
Louis-Emmanuel Jadin (1768–1853)
(Jean Baptiste) Edouard Du Puy (1770–1822)
João José Baldi (1770–1816)
Ferdinando Carulli (1770–1841)
Johann Christian Heinrich Rinck (1770–1846)
Anton Reicha (1770–1836)
Max Keller (1770–1855)
Friedrich Witt (1770–1836)
Peter Hansel (1770–1831)
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770–1827)

...to name a few.

So, those were some of Mozart’s near-contemporaries and worthy peers. Pray tell, then, why would you like to know, Mr. Ortiz, sir?

For most, the only name that comes to mind is composer Antonio Salieri.

Aw shit. I knew it.

And this is only because of Salieri's appearance as a major character in the Oscar-winning film "Amadeus."

I wish that movie was never made.

Um, Haydn, perhaps? No. He’s not a composer that comes to mind as a worthy peer of Mozart’s? To you, Ed, maybe.

But talent was not scarce in Mozart's time.

You think? Good work.
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