Back to the Future, Anhang

A while ago, I thought a compliment was in order for Richard Scheinin of the San Jose Mercury. To frame my compliment, I played a little game called Guess! That! Piece! (Please read it, that is if you haven’t already or if you don’t remember it. If you don’t read it, one, you won’t get the rest of this post and, two, the spacetime continuum will explode.) Anyway, it was a hoot. That was back in August.

Imagine my surprise when I hopped over to the Merc today to find this:

Nicknamed the "Gran Partita" — a grand suite, in seven movements — it's regal and reflective, but not overly so. You can imagine it being played as backdrop to libations in a Viennese beer garden.

Thursday's performance was pretty rough-hewn, especially early on. But Cleve gradually brought his players around, coaxing a cozy performance, warm and affable: comfort food. Best was the sixth movement, in which the ensemble set up a slow, droning flutter-coo, with Griffiths, a sensational player, soaring overhead with butterfly wings.

At first, I thought Mr. Scheinin had merely registered the trademark “droning flutter-coo.” (By the way, don’t mix droning with fluttering unless you consult your doctor first—the side effects are numerous, painful and will lead to erectile dysfunction.) However, since I have the memory of an elephant, I quickly realized that this was directly quoted from his earlier review. So, naturally, I went to find that article in the archives to see if it matched up verbatim. No luck; I’d have to pay three whole dollars to read it again. Screw that.

I suspect it’s just a RE-UP of the old article, though. Either way, this leads to a few questions:

1. Why would the San Jose Mercury re-post an article written in August in November? It’s not apparent that there are any corrections, additions or omissions. What gives?

2. If I can reread the review for free, why would I purchase the archived version?

3. This is not so much a question as it is a retroactive gibe. (Thanks quirky RE-UP!)

The first movement, the allegro, opened with the massed, dramatic sound of the orchestra, followed by [pianist] Demidenko's pearly lines, nested inside the ensemble's silk pillow.

Would you sleep on that? I wouldn’t. It probably needs to be washed.

Then he went ice skating with his right hand...

Uh...

...dropping staccato attacks into his left...

I’ll take “Things Not To Do” for $1200, Alex.

RE-UPing these can be said to provide fodder for The Detritus Review.

What are nonsensical images?

Sorry, the answer is, “Manure. I hate manure.”
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