A Brief Call to Arms!

I know we’ve always suspected those “college” “professors” who “write” “intellectual” “music” of being evil imperialists, spewing “learning” all over the place like dinosaur bones in Eden. Well, it’s time to do something about it! Speak up and let the masses be heard! Together we shall overcome their brutal stranglehold on our pure music!

Tell it like it is, brother patriot!

An uninteresting, academic-composer-worthy chromatic theme pervades throughout the faster second movement.

That's right! We will only stand for uninteresting, non-academic-composer-worthy chromatic tunes! Gather up all the unsavory perpetrators and put them in “institutions,” where we can “keep an eye” on them! Fight to keep our mastermusic free from their taint!


Gustav said...

I'll take 50 year old cliches for a $1000, Alex.

mb said...

If you are in need of more material, David Hurwitz's essay on vibrato (filed under "Features" on the ClassicsToday homepage) should keep you busy. I most particularly recommend the opening of Part Two.

Empiricus said...

I think I read the first few sentences of that one a while back, then decided to numb my mind watching some YouTube squirrel riding a surfboard, or something. I assure you, if I had a healthy heart, I might tackle that one, but not just yet; I'll first have to fly to Peru, for some high-altitude training, after which several low-pact triathlons and at least three Everest summits and I should be ready. Thanks for the comment, mb.

mb said...

I must confess I didn't get past the first page either. I think I've had a few students who, if inspired with the energy and a small amount of knowledge, would write such a thing. They're the ones who find rows in Mozart, and they think they're brilliant.

Jeff Dunn said...

I like the quasi-redundant "pervades throughout." Obviously, the writer does not subscribe to any of Don Vroon's American Record Guide word-police rules.