I swear to Cthulhu there must be a way to write catchy or clever titles for articles without using the stupidest, most obvious jokes possible. Somewhere there is a nascent academic field waiting to be born.
You see, up in Battle Creek, Michigan, a local man (or, at least, grandson of a local woman) was on a space shuttle mission to help repair the Hubble Telescope. Great! I am in favor of such endeavors. I'm not even opposed to programming a symphony concert around [loosely!] space-themed music to celebrate the occasion--on the condition that it's not full of stupid.
I am, however, opposed to tongue-scrapingly idiotic titles. For instance:
Symphony season blasts off with cosmic concert
[Lori Holcomb, Battle Creek Enquirer, October 22, 2009]
(Hey, did you hear the one about why Bach didn't have any money?)
Also, although clearly classical audiences are changing and need to get bigger, is "theme night at the symphony" really the cleverest idea available? That's like "casual Friday" or "dress-like-a-hobo day" in it's conceptual and innovative brilliance.
In celebration of the space industry and the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, the Battle Creek Symphony Orchestra will feature photos taken by the Hubble Telescope and cosmos-inspired music at its season opener Saturday.
See? That seems fair enough. Surely they're not going with Holst, though. That'd be way too obvious. I mean...
Titled "Planet Thunder," the concert will feature popular works such as Holst's "The Planets,"
Well, I mean...I guess you kind of have to. Sigh, fair enough. What else?
Strauss' theme from the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey"...
What. There are so many things wrong with that. It's hard to know where to begin.
For lovers of classical music, "Fallen Heroes" on March 27 will pay tribute to those who have died in battle.
For everyone else, it'll just be a bunch of notes and shit.
From extraterrestrial images to fiery Celtic concertos, [music director Anne] Harrigan said the 2009-2010 season is designed to attract new audience members while hopefully pleasing loyal attendees.
Yeah. A careful reading of that sentence reveals that the goal is "to attract new audience members" while "hopefully" keeping the old ones, yes?