This is Dirty

Even if Jesus was the visiting soloist, I don’t think he would have received a more “glowing” (wink, wink) review. I mean, it’s only a fucking concert, for Simon Morely and David Friend’s sakes!

Israeli violinist Vadim Gluzman, who makes his home in Chicago, almost pleads with you to watch him.

Let me guess, he takes off an item of clothing after each phrase. No. No. That would be more like a dare.

During extended measures of rest, he sways with eyes closed to the orchestra as he ponders re-entry.

I was close. And the rest of you should get your minds out of the gutter.

When he arrives at a fermata, he bends back like Jimmy Page holding out a pulsating sustain on a Telecaster.

Envious, anyone? (Empiricus, get your mind out of the gutter.)















(Not a Telecaster. Photo by Richard E. Aaron/rockpix.com)

[He] attacked the challenging concerto not from the standpoint of a virtuoso but of a probing artist.

Ah. Artists probe, virtuosos...play their instruments well. Why do I feel like I’m watching a scrambled TV channel?

I know! Because imagery is a bitch and, when done poorly, I can read it like this.

Coming soon: Artists who quote this stuff on their resumes, then probe like Jimmy Page after pondering re-entry.
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