Guess! That! Piece!

Studio Announcer: From the Detritus Review, here in beautiful Burbank, California, this is (audience shouting) Guess! That! Piece!

Empiricus: This is how to play. I will give you the name of a composer and three phrases that describe one of his/her works. All you have to do is (audience) Guess! That! Piece!

There will be three rounds with one clue each. The faster you guess that piece, the better the prize.

Are you ready?

Contestant: Oh I'm ready, Empiricus. I've studied music all my life.

Empiricus: Then get the clock ready. Here we go!

The composer is Dvorak. Dvorak.

This piece is said to be "ever-ingratiating" and "sun dappled."

Contestant: ... (tick, tock, tick, tock)

Empiricus: Moving on. If this piece's first three notes are stretched out to delicious effect, this piece has "a hint of wistful nostalgia."

Contestant: ... (tick, tock, tick)

Empiricus: Okay, final clue. Ready?

Contestant: Mmm, hmm.

Empiricus: This piece's lyrical moments may have a "lovely shine," a "lovely shine."

Contestant: You know Empiricus, I don't think I know. So, I'll just start listing pieces I know Dvorak wrote... in chronological order.

Empiricus: Better hurry. Time's running out.

Contestant: Okay, um... Polka Pomnenka? Mass in Bb major? Polka in E major? Harfenice? Polka? Galop? String Quintet in a minor? String Quartet in A major? Symphony Number 1? Cello Concerto Number 1? Cyprise? Symphony Number 2? Dve pisne pro baryton? Clarinet Quintet in Bb minor? Meziaktni skladby? Serenade? Alfred? Tragic Overture? String Quartet Number 2? String Quartet Number 3? Strin...

Empiricus: Five...

Contestant: String Quartet Number 4? Cello So...

Empiricus: Four...

Contestant: nata? Kral a uhlir?

Empiricus: Three...

Contestant: (sweating) Overture in F major? Piano Quint...

Empiricus: Two...

Contestant: ...et, Symphony Number 3?

Empiricus: One...

Contestant: String Quartet Number Five?

(BZZZT!)

Empiricus: Time's up! Sorry contestant. You were not able to Guess! That! Piece! Let's find out the answer, shall we? What is ever-ingratiating, sun dappled with a hint of wistful nostalgia and lovely shine? ...(sign flips over, lights up) Dvorak's Eighth Symphony (whanh, whanh, whanh sound)...the eighth symphony.

Unfortunately, we have to take a look at what you could have won. (doors open) A week-long vacation to Tuscany! (audience: awwwwww). A forty-inch plasma screen TV! (awww) A degree from the Devry School of Journalism! (applause) That's too bad. I'm sure you would've enjoyed the Italian countryside.

Well, you'll be happy to know, since you almost got last week's piece, you'll be able to come back for the tournament of champions next March. Good luck, contestant. See you then.

Well, that's all the time we have for now at (audience) Guess! That! Piece!From all of us here at The Detritus Review, good night. See you next time! (exit music)

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Viewer turns to Wife: Honey, let's go see Dvorak's Eighth. I like to be sun dappled and I like wistful nostalgia.

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[Edit: Empiricus] It seems that the link to the original source has been lost. Sorry.